It was a hard week. A combination of things that in hind sight could have been spaced more evenly to allow for Quentin to better process them.
It began on the Saturday with his big brother leaving. Anthony took a position doing what he loves that will keep him away at least all summer. It’s happened before but Quentin was much younger. Perhaps the difficulty stemmed from the fact that he’s older now. Or perhaps it stemmed from the realization that this is a sort of practice run. That his big brother is now an adult and with high school finished will soon be moving on and moving out.
The very next day was Sunday and while Quentin left for his grandparents house to spend a week of too much media too many snack foods and late bedtimes, his parents left on a week long trip of their own.
It was perhaps all too much to take on for one small boy but then the unimaginable happened. His beloved cat whom had gone missing 6 weeks before and we’d long since written off as dead returned.
Emaciated and traumatized he was miraculously unharmed. We covered him with tears and kisses as we learned from his vet that the likely reason for his remarkable resurrection is that although he pried the back door open independently, after that someone stole him.
The questions from Quentin immediately came.
“But you can’t steal a living thing, can you?”
“Why would someone take my kitten? Don’t they know I love him?”
Needless to say it was a very long week.
So. What do we do when our child’s rhythm and Sense of Order has been thrown so completely off course? What happens when a normally happy, peaceful, engaged child becomes rude, hyperactive and defiant?
We take a breath, or two or three or more, and we go right back to Montessori basics.
We start by acknowledging and empathizing with their feelings and offer our own perspective. Yes Huxley was taken which was horrible and I can see you are very sad and angry. I’m so thankful he was clever enough to escape and find his way back to us.
And then most importantly we repair the Prepared Environment.
For us this means predictable early bedtimes even though it’s summer holidays to ensure lost sleep is caught up. It means healthy food options at predictable times that the child can easily prepare, and access to lots of water to stay hydrated.
For us it also means rotating in some special activities that we can do together as well as activities that the child can do quietly to regain their independent play moments. A container of water beads and a few sea creatures seen here is the perfect option to help extend independent quiet moments. A new water colour pallet to ring in our yearly summer tradition of sitting under the maple tree in our front yard painting and reading goes a long way to help us reconnect with each other. Outings to the library or other regularly visited favourite places of the child can actually help a child get back into their home daily rhythm.
And finally the most important aspect of repairing the environment is love. Extra words, extra gestures, extra closeness, extra time and extra patience. It’s knowing who your child is, knowing when something is off, and patiently and lovingly helping them through it.
2 Replies to “The Unprepared Environment: When a child loses their Peacefulness”
This was a fabulously insightful post. Thanks so much for sharing!
Elizabeth Ross McGrann 847.363.1310
Hi Beth. I am so glad that you all have a solid base to fall back on when something like this happens. Please keep us in the loop on the progress back to normal. Or the new normal as the case may be. I did not know Huxley was missing and know how devastated I would be if something happened to Barney. I am so glad he has returned. Third thing.. I am quite envious of that paint palette!!!!